Sunday morning I sat watching ‘Only Fools and Horses’ with a cuppa thinking about the day and week ahead. Has the commitment phobia I experienced in my 20’s returned? How will it feel when I give the money over? I’m suddenly thinking about the times I reduced drinking or quit smoking… trying to rationalise any fear I have about it. What if i see something I really want? Not often I can’t just say ‘YOLO’ or ‘fuck it let’s get it’ - what if I miss out on a bargain?! 

Hmmm 🤔 actually, what’s more important ? A ‘thing’ or my findom relationship with SHM.  Easy answer really… the ‘thing’ 😂. Joking of course - I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t an incredibly important part of my life. I tell myself to remember that. 

The drain to hand over my wages was even hotter than ever. That added feeling that comes with the longevity of the control. That change in thought process, the sensation of handing over full financial control for a week just hit so differently. That feeling of transferring both the funds and power! It made me think and feel slightly differently about SHM - in a good way but I can’t quite find the words? They might come later in the blog - who knows.  One thing that won’t be shared here are the numbers - they are private between us for various reasons. 

The bond instantly became even stronger. Another new financial tie. Something that genuinely impacts every day life has a special feel, that’s difficult to describe - ‘connection’ doesn’t do it justice! That balance we have between outright friendship and findom gets blurred sometimes - not today! It played on my mind much of the afternoon, like it’s engrained there. What I’ve learnt from our relationship so far though, is that I never regret things I do with him because they are always carefully thought out and considered by us both. Trust and loyalty I’ve always found hot , this just took that up another notch . 

Monday morning , bad 💤. Not findom related. Tired and grumpy. Commuting today, always a drag but always good when I get to the office and see people. Me and the Boss know each others routines inside out. I got up a bit earlier than normal and hovered around, waiting for the usual ‘good morning boy’ to come through. There it was, bang on cue. Usual exchanges then it starts… can I have money for the train? Agreed- gotta work as a finsub after all. Before i could even ask, coffee was to be in a flask though. No branded cappuccino extra shot. Fml 🤦 

Normally I gap fill a lot of time by watching football or tennis on the tv whilst simultaneously looking at stuff online that I might want to buy. Just noticed I didn’t do that at all yesterday or on the commute 🤔.

I’ve also noticed that every now and then there is a small amount of panic about the situation. Not extreme or anything, but a sort of flutter in the chest. It feels a bit like a craving mixed with mild anxiety. Easily remedied, think Nike … you’re doing this with SHM - someone u trust more than anyone . Phew - crack on with the day.

Lunch was different today. The crew were going to a nice restaurant for a friends birthday . No such luck for me. Found out that Waitrose do a cheap meal deal. Who knew? The control has been exciting. And in typical Nike and SHM fashion kept quite light in style, but absolutely genuine in terms of obedience. 

The balance of people’s reactions across platforms has been interesting . It’s ranged from Praise for the sacrifice and taking on the challenge,  to being called a loser. I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to shrug off the latter, I don’t do bad for myself after all  😉.  Either way i do feel a huge sense of pride making the sacrifice for my owner, even if only at this level for a short time,  and no one can take that away 💪

To avoid boring everyone I’ll provide an update at the end of the week picking out any key moments, but for now , with a wet patch in my boxers I’ll leave it there 🔥💷