I have spent more than a fair bit of time over the years thinking about limits in BDSM and M/s.  It is common enough in the kink (BDSM) community to dismiss subs who claim to have no limits as clueless (“cut off your arm” examples come to mind).  But the M/s community has tended to have a more nuanced view of the issue because it is important for many slaves’ self-identity for them literally to have no limits with their Master.  Often, such a lack of limits is, for them, the very definition of their slavery.

I have always understood the sentiment that such slaves are expressing (and I know several) as describing a relationship that is quite special.  That is, the statement that they have no limits with their Master is not the knee-jerk sentiment of a neophyte overwhelmed by the excitement.  Rather, it is an expression of the depth of interaction and trust that has developed between Master and slave over a long time, many years.  The two come to know each other so well that the slave understands the value system that governs the Master’s behavior.  In a very real way, the slave has not surrendered to the Master as a person, but has instead surrendered to his value system, which the slave knows intimately from years of interaction.  For instance, my 20-year slave started describing herself as “no limits” about 10 years ago; my 15-year slave is still not ready and may never be.

It is not merely that the slave “trusts” the Master not to do X, Y, or Z, not to cross some limit line that has been negotiated and expressed or has perhaps remained unsaid.  Rather, the slave knows that the Master’s value system binds him irrevocably, perhaps even more strongly than the slave is bound to obedience and service to the Master.  The slave doesn’t worry that the Master might be inclined to do something harmful but refrains because it would infringe some limit.  Instead, those acts simply do not exist as possibilities within the universe of the specific M/s relationship.  And if there are some gray areas, as there inevitably are, the slave has confidence that the Master’s value system will demand corrections that are reasonable and appropriate.

I am relatively new to findom, and my experience has mostly been limited to het M/s relationships.  But my initial impressions are that much of what I have learned about limits over the years applies.  I know Masters and slaves in relationships, for instance, that include complete control over finances, but it has never been the initial focus that drew them together.  It instead developed organically, incidental to a shared desire to reach a TPE interaction that is mutually satisfying.

Maybe this is more of a diary entry documenting my thoughts than it is a blog that should be shared.  But I do want to learn more about findom, become better at it, and integrate it into the skillset I already have.  So I’ll throw it out there anyways.