A neophyte sub once asked me a silly question: “How do you
tell the difference between a Master and a lazy vanilla man?”
I think my first reaction was to dismiss the question out of
hand as ridiculous. The difference was obvious to anyone with even half a
brain. I’d spent my own considerable time coming fully to grips with my
orientation as a Master. It would be more than a little deflating to think all
that effort directed at personal growth had left me further behind than where I
started, nothing more than some vanilla sluggard.
But in the course of discussing the question, it began to
seem far less silly than I first imagined. The curious sub had intuitively
recognized something that is surprisingly easy to forget, particularly as the
weeks of a relationship grow into months, and the months grow into years—namely
that domination and submisssion are not two sides of a single coin as we
sometimes mistakenly think. Rather, they are distinct needs that require
separate fulfillment, for both Master and slave.
I know few Masters who have not found themselves guilty of
behaving like lazy vanilla men, at least at some point in time. After all, if a
slave’s service is fully satisfactory, what need is there for active
domination? Isn’t accepting the service dominant enough?
Maybe there was an acute need for overtly expressing
dominance in the past, when the slave needed to learn the Master’s preferences
and idiosyncrasies, the boundary discriminating acceptable and unacceptable
behaviour. During that honeymoon period, the separate needs for submisssion and
domination were naturally fulfilled by the process of defining the scope of
service.
We sometimes see remarkably beautiful relationships in our
communities, ones with an elegance of service that outsiders envy, tailor-made
in every respect to the Master’s individual preferences. As outsiders, what we
often don’t see is an unexpected feeling of malaise and unfulfillment that has infected
the parties to the relationship itself. More often than not, the source of that
malaise is a waning of the expression of dominance.
In a very real and sad sense, the Master has become nothing
more a lazy vanilla man. And the successful fulfillment of both parties’ needs
has suffered.
Nice post. I always saw it as “behind the curtains” that goes with after a certain level of dominance has been completed that it’s not required at the same level nor directly to that same sub.
Very well written and interesting. The only criticism I hope is constructive. Is that it does not really answer the posed question: It answers the question: "How does a dominant man become a lazy vanilla man or get to be perceived as one?" I think mainly because the subject is very complex and partly because society is getting less and less supportive of dominant men.Very well written and interesting. The only criticism I hope is constructive. Is that it does not really answer the posed question: It answers the question: "How does a dominant man become a lazy vani...See more
It’s a fair criticism, MasterPete. My (perhaps implied) answer to the posed question is that a Master not only accepts service but also dominates. Sometimes we need a reminder.
