Behind the Smoke and Mirrors

Posted by SnowFolf

At this time of year its easy to over indulge in many ways, and let's be honest most of us have at some point as we get caught up in the moment.

And that's fair enough but this time of year in particular can be a very dark and lonely time for people and we need to remember that what we see online is just a persona a smokescreen an individual is behind.

For some it is an escape from stress and a chance to unwind for others it can be a coping mechanism the only way they can find to deal with a real world issue be it a physical issue or something which men in general are famous for not talking about, something in their mental health not being okay.

I know from personal experience how dark this time of year can be. 3 years ago today I received a phone call at work. A phone call NO ONE ever wants to get. To make it worse the Hospital it came from was in a different country to myself. My younger brother had, had a heart attack that morning and had been rushed into Intensive Care but he wasn't going to make it. Even with last minute travel it would still take me 12 hours to get to him I was still 1 hour away when I got the call to say not even the machines had managed to keep him alive.

While this time of year is full of joy spare a moment or two to check in on each other, remember that behind the smoke and mirrors we are all human and can be going through terrible things some quite literally world shattering others not as bad but to the individual can feel just as bad in that moment.

Not everyone is good at reading between the lines and in a community such as this where things can become very intense or even intimate it is even more important that we remember to watch out for each others mental health. A loyal friend suddenly acting out of character can often be a major clue that something is wrong but some people are better at hiding things than others

So forget the nonsense of 'Real men don't cry', ' Emotions make you weak' etc etc and check in on your friends both Sub and Dom over this festive period who knows they may just be needing someone to let them know it's okay to open up and talk about things. After all the loneliest place in the world can be in the middle of a crowd

Bad times avoid the cliché

Posted by SnowFolf

We've all heard the saying 'What doesn't k**l you makes you stronger."

The words even form part of a very popular song released in 2012.

But why is it when someone we know is going through a rough time we seem to instinctively fall back on this 19th Century German saying?

The Original “Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens. Was mich nicht umbringt, mach mich stärker”

(Out of the School of War of Life, What does not k**l me, makes me stronger)

While being a positive affirmation that many need to tell themselves from time to time. When going through that rough patch, when its all they hear from everyone around them it becomes increasingly annoying to the point friendships fall apart which just prolongs the agony

In Findom from time to time it becomes easy to forget that real people exist behind the online persona's and each have things affecting us daily. Some are so big they make international news, others slightly smaller and on a local level.

But for most of us we do not let on we are going through problems, either because we're struggling to come to terms with the issue and what it means or we just feel so overwhelmed by it we don't know who to turn to or even how to begin to seek support, often defaulting to that fake everything's fine smile and standard reply to avoid hearing a clichéd response.

Sometimes the best thing to do is be the supportive influence a person needs, and listen to what they say, don't fall back on clichés to fill a silence just remind them you're their for them and find other-ways to distract them from the problem so they can relax and eventually open up about it.

Once you let an issue stop eating you from inside only then can you and those closest to you help deal with it