In real-time BDSM, many make these three their watchwords as part of the path to ethical Dominance and s********n -- or slavery. This makes excellent sense. For the wise, a safe word is a key part of that: It marks the withdrawal (temporary, or as a full end to the scene) of consent. Continuing when consent has been withdrawn is fucked-up behaviour and could even be criminal.
But what about interaction at a distance?
I mention this because I was in touch with an inexperienced fag yesterday who said he got locked in chastity shortly before the covid lockdown, and was then stuck in the cage because he couldn't meet his KH. Now, that's quite funny if you're into chastity, but at some point the fag says he really wanted out. He says the KH refused to send the key in the post. At that point, you start to think that's eventually rather shitty behaviour. In fact, if the sub truly wants out, and is not given a way out, that's a***e. [Let's overlook the question of whether a ball-trap device can really be that perfect; we can also discount the "what if the key got lost in the post" excuse, since every lock always has more than one key. As for me, I'd always insist on the fag having access to an emergency key.]
It strikes me that people seldom have a safe word for cyber/online D/s. But wouldn't that be a good idea? So you can distinguish between the "I hate being locked" moaning and the actual withdrawal of consent. It might make interacting all the more horny if there is some pleading and moaning --- while you know that the fag is laying it on thick and isn't actually at the point of wanting out for real.
Does this also carry over to findom, and anything that's all in the mind? The sub who wants out can, of course, just stop responding/block/run away. But mindfuckery doesn't really work that way does it? Or, not for everyone: so you get the phenomenon of fags crawling back for more. To give them an 'out' requires the Master to work out if they're genuinely needing to be cut loose, or of they just need encouragement. I don't know if safewords would help here. I need to think more about this.
Very thoughtful, and yes, that particular Sir is out of bounds. I am not sure why the sub doesn't simply remove the device. Unless he had some crazy heavy duty thing, the lock could be snipped without too much trouble. Very sad for the sub, but I hope he has found much more quality Sirs. As with everything, there are both good and bad out there. Is the sub doing OK now? Sounds like he had a rather traumatic time about it.Very thoughtful, and yes, that particular Sir is out of bounds. I am not sure why the sub doesn't simply remove the device. Unless he had some crazy heavy duty thing, the lock could be snipped without...See more
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Safe and consensual is the most important thing. At the point at which it is not consensual, the scene is over. Without safety, you do not have trust. And without trust, you do not have a relationship. Broken trust is nearly impossible to repair, and often the dissolution of the relationship.RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Safe and consensual is the most important thing. At the point at which it is not consensual, the scene is over. Without safety, you do not have trust. And without tr...See more
Yes, all true. The sub evidently did get out in the end - after months instead of the anticipated weeks. I have the sense that the experience weighs on him somewhat, but he's ready to move on. [I think the device was steel, with an integrated magic locker. In ordinary times, there would be various options for getting that off: I suppose that during the first lockdown in the UK, those options were rather limited.]Yes, all true. The sub evidently did get out in the end - after months instead of the anticipated weeks. I have the sense that the experience weighs on him somewhat, but he's ready to move on. [I thin...See more
Consent and safety are very important, and knowing the limits and when to stop is a two way responsibility, and us as masters must know and respect this kind of decisions
