My Findom Fantasy

A slave on this site asked me what seems like a straightforward question for someone who is here: “Sir, what is your findom fantasy?” I wanted to give a more thoughtful answer than simply to say, “For you to send me all your money and give me control over all your future earnings.” So I have been thinking about it, and realize that, although that would be nice for obvious reasons, even such a level of financial control would not alone be terribly fulfilling to my needs as a Master. 

My actual findom fantasy is inextricably linked with those needs, to be obeyed, to be served, to be worshiped—and with the process by which someone is transformed in a very personal way to satisfy those needs. The needs of an artist are not satisfied by walking through a museum filled with masterpieces. The needs of a sculptor are not satisfied by gazing upon completed statues. Their needs are fulfilled only through the intimate act of creating something unique and personal. 

In my findom fantasy, I want to be Michelangelo, confronted with an unassuming block of marble. I want to chip away every piece of stone that doesn’t belong, revealing a creation of my own design. Each tribute, each gift, each act of financial surrender should be part of the process of instilling an ever-increasing devotion that compels the slave to obey my financial commands—to obey all my commands. I want the slave to yearn for my chisel, to become a participant in making himself helpless in his obedience, to render him unable to deny that his finances are meaningless in his own hands and only purposeful when given unto mine. 

Is this a fantasy? Of course, and on multiple levels. But it is, for me, a more complete and truthful answer than the facile one that first sprang to mind.

Forgiveness

All human beings make mistakes, and those of us in power-exchange relationships are no exception. Most of those mistakes are small ones, but sometimes Master or slave makes a mistake so grievous that it threatens the continuation of the relationship. Forgiveness of those mistakes is essential to the process by which the participants successfully move past the incident and continue on their journey together. 

With respect to this issue, I think slaves are in the more enviable position. 

When a slave commits a grievous error, his Master can define the precise conditions of atonement, whether that be a severe beating, a suffering payment, or something else. Ideally, the understanding between the two of them is that such atonement by the slave earns the Master’s complete and irrevocable forgiveness. Payment of this penance allows both to put the experience behind them, preferably never again discussed or even considered as they move forwards. Indeed, I think this is one of the great benefits of power-exchange relationships. 

But the relationship’s asymmetry makes the situation quite different when the Master is the one who has committed the grievous error. Indeed, the Master finds himself in a very lonely and isolated place when he knows himself to be guilty of having done so. The relationship dynamic does not realistically allow the slave to demand the Master’s penance, and only the Master can thereby define the conditions of his own atonement, something he largely has to bear alone. 

So I ask this of slaves: If your Master finds it necessary to ask for your forgiveness, please appreciate the gravity is what he is doing in an effort to save what you have enjoyed together, and seek to be generous in granting what he asks.

The Art of Sub Cuisine

Subs may perhaps be considered as lobsters or as frogs.

To cook a lobster, one plunges it into boiling water. And there are some subs who respond to that approach with a Master who thrusts the sub into the highest of expectations right from the beginning. 

But they’re almost certainly the minority. 

Most subs are frogs. And everyone knows the better way to prepare a frog: put it in a pot of comfortable water and raise the temperature slowly but inexorably. Indeed, there are few things more satisfying to a Master than witnessing the moment when a sub suddenly understands that the water in the pot has become so hot that it is no longer possible to escape. The creature has become beautifully enslaved, ruled by a sense of need and devotion that has been carefully cultivated by a Master Chef. 

Thoughts About Limits

I have spent more than a fair bit of time over the years thinking about limits in BDSM and M/s.  It is common enough in the kink (BDSM) community to dismiss subs who claim to have no limits as clueless (“cut off your arm” examples come to mind).  But the M/s community has tended to have a more nuanced view of the issue because it is important for many slaves’ self-identity for them literally to have no limits with their Master.  Often, such a lack of limits is, for them, the very definition of their slavery.

I have always understood the sentiment that such slaves are expressing (and I know several) as describing a relationship that is quite special.  That is, the statement that they have no limits with their Master is not the knee-jerk sentiment of a neophyte overwhelmed by the excitement.  Rather, it is an expression of the depth of interaction and trust that has developed between Master and slave over a long time, many years.  The two come to know each other so well that the slave understands the value system that governs the Master’s behavior.  In a very real way, the slave has not surrendered to the Master as a person, but has instead surrendered to his value system, which the slave knows intimately from years of interaction.  For instance, my 20-year slave started describing herself as “no limits” about 10 years ago; my 15-year slave is still not ready and may never be.

It is not merely that the slave “trusts” the Master not to do X, Y, or Z, not to cross some limit line that has been negotiated and expressed or has perhaps remained unsaid.  Rather, the slave knows that the Master’s value system binds him irrevocably, perhaps even more strongly than the slave is bound to obedience and service to the Master.  The slave doesn’t worry that the Master might be inclined to do something harmful but refrains because it would infringe some limit.  Instead, those acts simply do not exist as possibilities within the universe of the specific M/s relationship.  And if there are some gray areas, as there inevitably are, the slave has confidence that the Master’s value system will demand corrections that are reasonable and appropriate.

I am relatively new to findom, and my experience has mostly been limited to het M/s relationships.  But my initial impressions are that much of what I have learned about limits over the years applies.  I know Masters and slaves in relationships, for instance, that include complete control over finances, but it has never been the initial focus that drew them together.  It instead developed organically, incidental to a shared desire to reach a TPE interaction that is mutually satisfying.

Maybe this is more of a diary entry documenting my thoughts than it is a blog that should be shared.  But I do want to learn more about findom, become better at it, and integrate it into the skillset I already have.  So I’ll throw it out there anyways.