Now and then a sub will reach out, obviously in the throes of being horny(we can spot it quickly) (yes, masters do that too), saying he wants his life destroyed, wants to give up all his bank accounts, wants to live in a cellar 24/7…you get the drift. It doesn’t happen on this site much, really, but I think there are still good lessons.
These desires may be real; I’m in no way dismissing them. But any master with experience will tell you that these subs with intense, extreme desires rarely actually submit or do anything. So they live in this constant state of frustration.
So the point I’d like to make, that can be extrapolated to other bdsm or findom situations, is to let go of the big enchilada dream for awhile and learn to take some smaller steps. All of us no matter our position, have things to learn. Teach yourself to submit to something less scary and extreme. Find a master you click with and trust him. You can then progress to those bigger things. You never know, you may actually then end up fulfilling your desires.
Be honest with yourself, you will never jump off that cliff(and you probably shouldn’t). Don’t spend your life standing there at the edge. Find some rope, or a master, and start lowering yourself down. Find your destination that way.
I thought I would share a fun story from when I was starting out on this path that currently has me here on the great OF. I would say first that this is meant to tell you about me and be a funny true story. I don’t believe in kicking people who are down or judging them. This is not about that.
So I “came out” in 2000. Y2K! (Look it up). I loved my new life and things were great. I moved from my boring white boy suburban life to a big city. Just one thing was meh. I found sex kind of boring in the beginning, surprisingly so. I was of course surrounded by vanilla.
Then, the internet was growing leaps and bounds, and I found Tom Ropes McGurk (old school bondage films). And other fetishstuff as well. Suddenly I knew exactly where I belonged and what had been lacking. It was very exciting and 💯.
Around that time, Recon started, or at least that’s when I found it. Holy s**t I made the profile and things were great. Went toNYC and bought a bunch of good leather gear I couldn’t afford. Started having sessions dominating guys. Fit like a glove. The leather, and the situations.
One of my very first meetings from Recon was with a slave whose profile really got me going. And his pics were great, which is just bonus, really, because I find with power exchange that I don’t care about looks.
I live in the city without a car, so I taxi’d there(no Uber in those days).
This is where things got interesting. Theta I driver stopped at the guys house and was like “you sure you’re good here? You want me to wait?” He seemed concerned. I said no, this is the address, it’s cool. So I get out and he leaves. I go to the door and the sub answers. I wasn’t sure it was him he looked so different. I then could tell it was him, but he was practically emaciated. Muscle man was now skinny rail. Totally different then the pics, and looked quite unhealthy. So we go in, and the place is like, squalor. Not hot squalor, like a back alley or a pissy restroom. Just a mess with dirty dishes in huge piles all over, etc. I was a newbie to “the scene” but I knew enough to know what the deal was. But like I said, that’s his business and he was pretty cool actually, and the taxi was gone (I forgot to say that the driver informed me that lots of drivers won’t go there so it might be hard getting back later). So, here I am, suburban boy in a d**g den with this guy at my feet. I’ve gotta chain leash on him, I have him cleaning my boots, and I’m hard despite the situation.
Now this was two decades or so ago. It may sound weird but I decided that I was going to face fuck this guy, but I was leery so decided to wear a condom for that. I told him something like “I’m putting a condom on, and you are going to suck my cock til I’m satisfied”.
He was on all fours, leashed. He looked up, and said “yes sir. Would you like me to take my teeth out sir”?
That. That’s the story.
This is the first of a few installments meant to give fags a glimpse of how I think, what “makes me tick”. Perhaps I care too much about semantics but I will posit the following:
A fagtax is a tax the fag pays for being a fag. It reminds the fag it is beneath, automatically, because it is a fag. It can be appropriate, and hot. But it is, at its core, about the fag.
A tribute is about the Master. A fag (or anyone) giving freely because of who the Master is; it’s about the Master.
One is about humiliation, the other about worship. I like both, and I like humiliating a fag as much as the next Master does. But ultimately, if you want to please me, make sure it’s about me, not about you. Call me an egoist, but you’ll get farther, and more from me, by genuinely worshipping me. Look at it another way: constantly talking about how inferior you are to everyone, while it could be true, puts me in a large group of people who then, by default, are above you. It’s all relative to you.
Whereas tributing and talking about me being above you because of WHO I AM is elevating me, which of course is right and proper. That is my favorite route.
Of course, a combination of these can be great. Haha.
Last thought on the matter: for me, it’s analogous to an aspect of sexual hookups. There are guys, bottoms, fags, who want to be used constantly, by anyone and everyone. That can be a bit hot, but it’s about the bottom, in a way, and just about sex. Whereas when a bottom, fag, wants to be used BY ME, that is about power. My power.
I may humiliate you. I may love doing it, with certain fags. I do like it. But in the end, make it about me, in a genuine way, and you’ll be glad you did. I know I will be.
My view is that there is variety in the way masters and subs feel about findom. Aside from the “givens” such as no scamming, no faking, no stealing, no harming, no time wasting....there is room, for instance for various “styles” of Masters (for lack of a better term. Hopefully the style is genuine). The main thing is that subs and masters find someone they match up with. <br /><br />
I bring this up because I tire of bitchy people complaining about masters/subs because they don’t like that person’s way. Why do that? Find the person you match up with. Let the others find each other. You are not the arbiter of what is right. Why disparage? It’s like if you like dark hair guys and don’t like blonds, and then went around dissing all the blonds For being blonds lol. Just find your dark hair and STFU. Don’t be rude. <br /><br />
Now, again, I’m not talking about bad behavior. That can be called out. I’m talking about criticizing something that’s not up your alley. <br /><br />
Variety is the spice of life. <br /><br />
I will say that this doesn’t happen much here, which is great. But we see it other places. Why all the bitchiness? It’s not attractive, at least not to me. There’s an insight into my likes for subs reading this. Serve, $erve, don’t be a complainer, concentrate on yourself (and your Master). Be fun, be respectful, let people be themselves as long as they are acting in good faith. <br /><br />
And yes it goes both ways.<br /><br />
In a nutshell: It’s all about finding a good match or connection. When it’s not there, it doesn’t mean someone is wrong. They are just wrong for you.
