In findom as with any kink there are two distinct sides the Dominant Masters and the submissive slaves. Two opposing roles with clearly defined wants needs and boundaries which is easy to understand and everyone feels at ease. But then there is the third option the grey-area that exists in between the switch those that have times when they feel dominant and need power and times when they need to surrender it. While everyone has their own opinions on switches and are they Doms or fags or any other term you want to use have you ever stopped to ask what it’s like for the switch themselves?
Living with two opposing sides of myself—one that craves dominance and another that yearns for obedience—has been both a struggle and a revelation. At times, it feels like I’m caught in a tug-of-war, with each side vying for control over my life and identity.
On one hand, my dominant self is assertive, confident, and fiercely protective. I thrive on making decisions, leading others, and taking charge of my environment. It’s exhilarating to feel that surge of power, to navigate challenges with a commanding presence. This part of me wants to conquer obstacles, to mould my surroundings to fit my vision. This side serves me well in my day job I have to admit.
Yet, the submissive side longs for a different kind of freedom. In these moments, I find comfort in letting go, surrendering to another’s guidance. It’s a profound release, allowing someone else to take the reins while I embrace vulnerability. The paradox lies in the trust I cultivate during these experiences; it requires strength to submit, to reveal the softer layers of my being.
Navigating these dualities can be overwhelming. I often question which side defines me more profoundly. Am I stronger when I’m leading, or when I’m yielding? The truth is, both aspects are integral to my identity. They are not in opposition but rather two facets of a complex whole, and I often find myself wondering which side is ultimately in charge.
I’ve learned that balancing these sides is crucial for my mental and emotional health. I can’t thrive in one without acknowledging the other. Embracing this internal conflict has led me to a richer understanding of myself. I’ve discovered that the moments when I switch between these roles are not just about control; they’re about connection—both to myself and to others.
Finding harmony between my dominant and submissive selves has become a personal journey of acceptance. Each side teaches me valuable lessons about strength, trust, and the beauty of vulnerability. It’s a continual process, one that allows me to grow and evolve.
In a world that often pressures us to fit neatly into boxes, I’ve found solace in my duality. I am both dominant and submissive, and this balance makes me who I am. Embracing both sides has allowed me to cultivate deeper relationships and a more authentic life, reminding me that it’s okay to be a work in progress, still exploring which side might ultimately take the lead.
Sometimes, everyone feels ashamed of themselves, be it something the desire, something they have done, something that is part of them, something they long to change or even wish had never happened.
While we often fail to discuss things like that seriously often dismissing them as a joke, the feeling of being ashamed everyone understands. Yet in a kink like this where perfectionism often comes out it is easy for those that are different to feel ashamed and try and hide.
Switches become ashamed of their 'other' side.
Those who may have bi tendencies become ashamed of the 'gay' side
Those who see themselves as too fat or too thin, become ashamed of their own bodies.
And then there are the deeper things people feel ashamed for, the things that have happened to them or are hidden from everyone.
Earlier I posted a reimbursement for something which, I will openly admit I wasn't sure if i should or not, I felt ashamed to do so because it showed I wasn't 'perfect' there was something wrong with me. Now at first glance, you may very well think there is nothing there that's unusual so why would you feel ashamed, however if you read the post fully you will understand that the reason for the shame is that we live in a world and are part of a community which often makes one feel everything has to be perfect.
And by posting that I have openly admitted that my body isn't perfect as it is broken .
Disabilities take many forms but ultimately those with them face the same reaction, "Something wrong with them" and pitted or even ridiculed for it.
But the reason i decided to post it was so that others felt they could be honest an open about things and know they aren't alone. All it takes is one person to do something unexpected to allow for change
and remember inside each of us there is a new version waiting to burst free like a phoenix from the ashes
However not everyone will be feeling overly Merry
There will be those maked to live a lie as they must ensue time with family that have issues with the way they are, for others such as myself it is a sad time as we remember those we have lost and have left a gaping hole in the celebrations
So remember be thankful that we here are a community that care about each other and look out for one another
Sometime things happen and we just have to deal with it. We all know of things that could be on such a list and most of the time unfortunately we choose to suffer in silence.
Which is no good for anyone’s mental health
Sometimes we do to at because we don’t feel strong enough to deal with it out loud other times it’s because we cannot put into words how we fee inorder to deal with it.
When it comes to the world of kink lines get blurred easily and overstepped boundaries happen somewhat, and unfortunately, frequently. Which makes being able to express yourself a vital part of this and any community
And then comes along a thing or event that cuts through whatever barrier we have so deeply that we have no choice but to find the words
For once finding the words was actually easy an old song on the radio sums up feelings perfectly for once.
“Is it too late … Nothing to salvage,
You look away …. Clear all the damage
The meaning to, All words of love
Has disappeared….
“We used to love one another ,Give to each other
Lie under covers so, Are you friend or foe
Love one another, Live for each other
So, are you friend or foe
'Cause I used to know
The promises….
Hollow concessions
An innocent show of affection
I touch your hand…
A hologram
Are you still there?
We used to love one another
Give to each other
Lie under covers so,
Are you friend or foe
Love one another
Live for each other
So, are you friend or foe”
As we know there are two sides to every story so I simply ask this
Are you friend of foe?
We've all heard the saying 'What doesn't k**l you makes you stronger."
The words even form part of a very popular song released in 2012.
But why is it when someone we know is going through a rough time we seem to instinctively fall back on this 19th Century German saying?
The Original “Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens. Was mich nicht umbringt, mach mich stärker”
(Out of the School of War of Life, What does not k**l me, makes me stronger)
While being a positive affirmation that many need to tell themselves from time to time. When going through that rough patch, when its all they hear from everyone around them it becomes increasingly annoying to the point friendships fall apart which just prolongs the agony
In Findom from time to time it becomes easy to forget that real people exist behind the online persona's and each have things affecting us daily. Some are so big they make international news, others slightly smaller and on a local level.
But for most of us we do not let on we are going through problems, either because we're struggling to come to terms with the issue and what it means or we just feel so overwhelmed by it we don't know who to turn to or even how to begin to seek support, often defaulting to that fake everything's fine smile and standard reply to avoid hearing a clichéd response.
Sometimes the best thing to do is be the supportive influence a person needs, and listen to what they say, don't fall back on clichés to fill a silence just remind them you're their for them and find other-ways to distract them from the problem so they can relax and eventually open up about it.
Once you let an issue stop eating you from inside only then can you and those closest to you help deal with it
And that's fair enough but this time of year in particular can be a very dark and lonely time for people and we need to remember that what we see online is just a persona a smokescreen an individual is behind.
For some it is an escape from stress and a chance to unwind for others it can be a coping mechanism the only way they can find to deal with a real world issue be it a physical issue or something which men in general are famous for not talking about, something in their mental health not being okay.
I know from personal experience how dark this time of year can be. 3 years ago today I received a phone call at work. A phone call NO ONE ever wants to get. To make it worse the Hospital it came from was in a different country to myself. My younger brother had, had a heart attack that morning and had been rushed into Intensive Care but he wasn't going to make it. Even with last minute travel it would still take me 12 hours to get to him I was still 1 hour away when I got the call to say not even the machines had managed to keep him alive.
While this time of year is full of joy spare a moment or two to check in on each other, remember that behind the smoke and mirrors we are all human and can be going through terrible things some quite literally world shattering others not as bad but to the individual can feel just as bad in that moment.
Not everyone is good at reading between the lines and in a community such as this where things can become very intense or even intimate it is even more important that we remember to watch out for each others mental health. A loyal friend suddenly acting out of character can often be a major clue that something is wrong but some people are better at hiding things than others
So forget the nonsense of 'Real men don't cry', ' Emotions make you weak' etc etc and check in on your friends both Sub and Dom over this festive period who knows they may just be needing someone to let them know it's okay to open up and talk about things. After all the loneliest place in the world can be in the middle of a crowd
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You should only view this site if you are over the age of 18, male and are not easily offended.
